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Why are we firing linguists in the middle of two wars?

"Why are we firing linguists and infantrymen in the middle of two wars?" asks Aaron Belkin, Director of the Palm Center, a research institute at the University of California that released data showing that several mission-critical gay troops were discharged in 2009.

Of the discharges under "don't ask, don't tell" were 8 linguists, 20 infantrymen, 16 medical aides, 7 combat engineers, 6 missile artillery operating crew members, and one member of the Special Forces. The news came a week before President Obama announced the end of combat operations in Iraq and the waning of operations in Afghanistan.

In his address to the nation last night, President Obama was careful not to claim victory or defeat, which could raise further questions about whether we were poised for success in the Middle East to begin with.

Belkin's data supports claims that DADT is not only discriminatory, but puts soldier's lives at risk. "As leadership continues to fire gay service members in critical career fields, it is the troops on the ground who will pay with their personal safety," says JD Smith, co-Director of OutServe, an organization made up of nearly 500 actively-serving gay and lesbian troops.

The number of DADT discharges also disproportionately affects women and minorities. Although women comprise only 14% of the Army, lesbians received 48% of the Army's "don't ask, don't tell" discharges in FYI 2009. Of the 619 total Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines DADT discharges in FY08, 279 (just over 45%) were non-white.

All signs point to U.S. Military operations as the Achilles heel of the Obama presidency. The public is growing increasingly impatient with a lingering war that's sending sparse U.S. dollars into unfocused operations. Belkin's new data only furthers angst that the U.S. military's focus is further blurred by policies that strip critical personal out of positions critical to success.

President Obama must act now to quell concerns that spread far beyond gay and lesbian servicemembers. He must: Hold to promises made to LGBT voters to end DADT. The numbers sway in favor of repeal. The policy is discriminatory and costly. And despite the Pentagon's investigation into the impact of ending DADT, the President can garner public and political support by ending lengthy reviews and recognizing private data that already supports repeal. The time is now.
Focus on "nation building at home." The discharge of critical service personnel based on sexuality gives a clear message that the priorities of the nation lay with divisive policy when it should focus on unity and inclusion. Discharging LGBT soldiers has a lasting impact on the building of a social infrastructure that is crumbling into segregated corners. The administration refuses to give clear messaging, instead opting to dilute its responses into what they think will cause the least amount of stir. What we need now is clarity and messaging to the American people that in order for us to rebound we must make a collective effort and that regardless of sexuality, there are LGBT people making significant contributions to the health and safety of this nation.

Why are we firing linguists in the middle of two wars? originally appeared on About.com Gay Life on Wednesday, September 1st, 2010 at 12:14:13.

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Is it a connection or just sexting?

Dear Gay Man,

A few weeks ago I met a really nice guy online. We chatted over text message for about a week before we set up our first date. Our first date was nice: dinner, then back to his place to watch a movie. As we were watching the movie, we did the whole thing of getting close to one another (he put his hand on my leg, I put my hand on top of his, etc.) nothing, special in my opinion, but it was nice. I'm not looking for a guy to randomly hook-up with, and he says that he isn't either. The date ended with a kiss, which was nice; especially since he didn't try anything else, which would have been a turn off for me—so soon. He came across as really sweet.

But, after the date, he became somewhat distant. I know he works hard, and can't text at work, so I'd wait until I knew he was off work before texting him, but then it'd take him for what seemed like forever to reply. Then, he started asking me to send sext messages to him. Of course, I did, against my better judgement. So, then after the sexting, he becomes distant again. He seems to think that sexting is hot. I don't find much pleasure in it, but to each his own. I'd really like to see this guy again, because he's really nice, and so far he doesn't come off as a total jerk. But, the constant requests for sexting just makes me think that he's really not interested in having an actual relationship, and that he's only interested in chatting when he wants new sexting material to look at.

Is this normal? Should I cut my losses? Or is there something I can do to get this man interested in going out on a second date?

Dear Text Addict,

When a guy's phone recognizes more sex-related words than dictionary items, then it's time to move on—that is if a relationship is what you're looking for. Jobs are cracking down on texting time at work, but clearly he's more interested in what you're wearing (or not) than he is in planning a second date.

You can't make him like you, all you can do is be honest about what you want out of this situation. By responding to his sexts, cuddle bug, you're giving him the impression that you're cool with a little text and play.

Being honest and straightforward about your needs may drive him away, but he will flee anyway when he discovers that your priorities don't match. A guy on the up-and-up will take your honesty and openness and share his own in an effort to clear the air before either one of you invests more time.

Speak up to the sextinator. Let him know that you're not into cyber cuddles, you want the real thing. If he's not down with the idea, then you know he's not long term material. And from now on, keep the four letter words out of your texting vocabulary if you want more than a one-cyber stand.

Must Reads: Does He Just Want Sex? Get To Know Him In 3 Steps

Is it a connection or just sexting? originally appeared on About.com Gay Life on Wednesday, September 1st, 2010 at 10:13:31.

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The Evergreen State College gets gender neutral housing

I'm always pleased to report news of a college or university that's added gender neutral housing. This time around, Olympia, Washington liberal arts school The Evergreen State College joins the list of institutions with inclusive housing for students.

Why gender neutral housing?
Guys with guys, girls with girls. Those are the general housing rules on most university campuses. Sounds straight forward, but the idea of limiting student housing choices by gender leaves few options for undergraduates that desire or feel more comfortable rooming with students of opposite genders.

The Evergreen State College gets gender neutral housing originally appeared on About.com Gay Life on Friday, August 27th, 2010 at 19:19:14.

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September pride dates

September is about endings and beginnings. Summer is on its way out, while school creeps in. Gay pride, however, goes almost year 'round. Check out these Fall pride dates in September.

September pride dates originally appeared on About.com Gay Life on Friday, August 27th, 2010 at 18:20:17.

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Gays go for Emmy gold

This year's Emmy Awards are boasting a wide array of nominated gay actors and actresses, while many "gay-friendly" programs were also recognized for larger awards, mostly in comedy categories. Awards shows are always known for their flashy sets, over-the-top personalities and general gawdiness, but many are thinking this may be the gayest awards show ever.

Openly gay actor, and successful host of both last year's Emmy Awards and this year's Tony Awards, Neil Patrick Harris is a double nominee for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series for his role of womanizing Barney on How I Met Your Mother and Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series for his role of Bryan Ryan on Glee. Neil Patrick Harris is one of the most popular gay celebrities both inside and outside the LGBT Community. He was recently voted #1 on AfterElton.com's 100 Hottest Men, the first openly gay man to receive the honor, and he consistently guest stars in popular media, such as Glee and the Harold & Kumar franchise.

There are two shows that have improved gay visibility on television significantly, especially because they are both fan favorites. Modern Family gives us Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson), both nominated in the Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series category. Their role on the series as gays-in-residence is hilarious, but also refreshing. They both share responsibilities for their adopted baby, Lily, and both simultaneously break and bend traditional gender roles, making for a comically complicated relationship.

Chris Colfer, nominated for his role as Kurt on the television series Glee, depicts a gay individual at a very different stage of life. While Cam and Mitch are all-but-betrothed, Kurt has to deal with typical high school issues, such as coming out to friends and family, bullying, and belting out show-stopping Ethel Merman interpretations. Glee, with its big, garish musical numbers is popular in the gay community, and Ryan Murphy, the openly gay creator, was nominated for his writing on the show.

While the individual winners will be announced on Sunday, August 29th on the NBC telecast, many believe the gay community has already brought home the gold for the sheer number of LGBT people and themes among the nominees.

Mathew Rodriguez is a New York-based writer and social advocate.

Gays go for Emmy gold originally appeared on About.com Gay Life on Friday, August 27th, 2010 at 11:19:32.

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Finally, a Modern Family kiss

Are you ready for Cameron and Mitchell's big Primetime screen kiss? Co-creator and writer Steve Levitan has announced that Modern Family's whacky gay couple Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) will finally lock lips in an upcoming "public display of affection."

Levitan denies that the planned peck is in response to the Facebook campaign calling for Cameron and Mitchel to kiss, but insists that an episode that "dealt with the subject" has been "planned for a long time."

Quick Quiz: Which of the two Modern Family gay guys is out in real life?
Not only does out actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson play a gay man on-screen, he's gay in real life. And, best yet, Ferguson's been nominated for Outstanding Supporting Role in a Comedy Series at the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards.

Finally, a Modern Family kiss originally appeared on About.com Gay Life on Tuesday, August 24th, 2010 at 14:36:50.

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Scared of falling? Researchers say you probably will

Have a fear of falling? A study published in the British Medical Journal has people on the look out for narrow ledges, rickety ladders, and cloud-brushing balconies.

When a team of researchers from Australia and Belgium set out to understand the fear of falling they found that a person's risk of hitting the pavement was directly related to how they felt about falling. Overall, having a fear of falling contributes to the likelihood a person will fall—just as much as the actual chance they'd eat it.

The focus of the study was on elderly folks 70 to 90 years old to help curb those hip-bruising trips to the carpet; but regardless of age, our brains are hardwired when it comes to fears of falling. So guys, the next time you get a little shaky, add some confidence to your step. It'll help you keep the fear of biting the dust from toppling you.

Scared of falling? Researchers say you probably will originally appeared on About.com Gay Life on Monday, August 23rd, 2010 at 12:34:08.

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Interview with Jazz Singer Karen Jones

How have I gone this long having never heard of Karen Jones before? Karen Jones is the daughter of a musician in the Count Basie Orchestra, an out lesbian, and an internationally known jazz and pop singer.
Karen Jones, the intellectual, beautiful, worldly Jazz artist, poet and counselor shares with us about her life, her music and how coming out about being lesbian or bisexual clears your mind, and sets you on the road to your success, whatever your path may be.

© Maurizio Martinoli

Interview with Jazz Singer Karen Jones originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Wednesday, September 1st, 2010 at 23:50:53.

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How Do You Keep Your Lesbian Relation Vibrant?

One of my most popular articles is my tips for keeping love alive. I offer my knowledge and some tips for making lesbian relationships last.

But of course, I'm not the only expert. All of you out there in happy relationships probably have something to share about your experiences. What about you? What do you do to keep your lesbian relationship alive?

© Chris Clinton/Getty Images

How Do You Keep Your Lesbian Relation Vibrant? originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Tuesday, August 31st, 2010 at 17:39:14.

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For My Wife: The Making of an Activist for Marriage Equality

I remember hearing the story of these two women. An unimaginable tragedy happened when Kate Fleming was trapped in her basement recording studio during a rain storm in Seattle. She frantically called her partner Charlene Strong. Charlene rushed to the house, but couldn't free Kate. Firefighters came an cut a hole through the floor and pulled Kate out. But it was too late. As if this wasn't enough to bear, Charlene was denied access to Kate as she lay dying in a Seattle hospital.

Charlene Strong turned her pain into power, becoming an activist for marriage equality. For My Wife: The Making of an Activist for Marriage Equality is her story.
© trick dog films

For My Wife: The Making of an Activist for Marriage Equality originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Monday, August 30th, 2010 at 18:51:13.

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Jane Lynch Wins Emmy

I am so happy for Jane Lynch right now. For years she's had brilliant performances in movies such as Best in Show and The 40-Year-Old Virgin and TV shows like Two and a Half Men and The L Word. With her current role as Sue Sylvester on the hit show Glee, Jane Lynch is finally getting the recognition she deserves. Tonight she won an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series.

In her acceptance speech, Jane Lynch thanked her wife Lara Embry, whom she married earlier this year in Massachusetts. Jane Lynch gave her wife a brief kiss as her name was announced as the Emmy winner.

Jane Lynch has some interesting things to say about being an out lesbian in Hollywood when I interviewed her a few years ago.

© Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Jane Lynch Wins Emmy originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Monday, August 30th, 2010 at 00:04:50.

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Sexy Fridays: Lesbian Masturbation

Most of us get our start in sexuality by masturbating. Masturbation teaches us what turns us on, how we like to be touched and how to please ourselves. Once you know what turns you on, you can share that information with a partner, or use it to please yourself whenever you feel moved to do so.

As women, we often aren't told much about our bodies, we're often ashamed of them and how they look. Women who enjoy their sexuality are often given degrading names, called loose or promiscuous. None of this leads to a healthy sexual self-image.

Masturbation is a safe and healthy way to get to know your body and explore your sexuality. If you're unsure of your sexual orientation, fantasizing about women while you touch yourself is one way figure out what you might like to do and have done to you by another woman.

More about lesbian masturbation.

© Daniel Jaeger Vendruscolo

Sexy Fridays: Lesbian Masturbation originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Friday, August 27th, 2010 at 00:23:53.

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Can Ex-lovers Be Friends?

Dear Lesbian Life:
I am 38 and was dating a woman who is 49 and things in the beginning were fabulous. We connected right away, didn't have many things in common but it was good because we always had things to talk about. Before the relationship started we both knew lots about each other.

In May of this year she took a little vacation alone back to her hometown to visit family, and all was great until she came back from the trip. Things just kind of ended but not much was said about it. We talked again about it at a later date and she said that this breakup had nothing to do with me and was all her.

I was totally taken back by this and was very sad and still am. I am having a hard time with the whole thing and not too sure what to do next or how to move on.

We do talk everyday and text and do still hang out and see each other like nothing had changed except, no sex or kissing, just that awkward hug when we see each other and then when we leave....

Breaking up is never easy. One of the biggest mistakes I often see lesbians making is not taking space after a break-up. It is unreasonable to think that you can move from lovers to friends without any kind of transition period.
The thing you need to do is take some space. Sure, you may eventually be friends. Most likely you probably will, but while your heart is so fragile, it is only cracked open again and again each time you see her. It needs time to heal.

Let her know that you care about her and want to be friends some day, but for now, you need the time and space to heal. Then take that space. At least a month, but I think probably even more...keep reading.

© Buena Vista Images

Can Ex-lovers Be Friends? originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Thursday, August 26th, 2010 at 22:40:56.

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Interview with Mikey Koffman from The Real L Word

If you watched the Real L Word, you might think that Mikey Koffman, the producer of LA Fashion Week has a bit of an anger problem and perhaps a drinking problem. But how real is this "reality TV show?" I had the chance to sit down and chat with Mikey Koffman last week, just as the Real L Word was wrapping up.

Mikey Koffman mingled easily with the fans, stepping in to act as waitress, bringing people their food and drink orders at the Portland taco bar Dingos, where I met with her. Here's what she had to say.

© Kathy Belge

Interview with Mikey Koffman from The Real L Word originally appeared on About.com Lesbian Life on Monday, August 23rd, 2010 at 20:40:28.

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